Fear of attention. Five ways to attract people to you. Why doesn't it work for you

One day, five-year-old Dima, returning from kindergarten, found a real fox terrier at home. “I found him on the street, he apparently got lost and will now live with us,” my mother said.

But Dima, while everyone was fussing around the "new acquisition", did not look happy and suggested ... let the dog go back to the street. The adults thought he was just scared.

Cheerful and cheerful dog quickly became everyone's favorite. But soon the parents noticed that at every opportunity, Dima tries to pull the fox terrier by the tail more painfully. It’s good that the dog endured everything, as if he understood what was in front of him. Small child! Instead of rejoicing at the appearance of a shaggy "living toy", the kid took the dog as a rival that takes away some of his parental love from him ...

Four-year-old Maxim was a docile and obedient child. But as soon as the parents invited guests to the house, the boy seemed to be replaced. Hearing the doorbell ring, he hung on himself all the weapons from the available toy "arsenal", began to aim at the guests and shout: "Bang!" Parents tried to turn everything into a joke, tried to remove the "warrior" from the room or distract them with toys - it was useless. The “firing” lasted all evening, the boy practically did not give mom and dad the opportunity to communicate with friends and family. He did not want to share parental attention…

In both cases, the children experienced intense jealousy. At the same time, the external circumstances that brought her to life, the reactions of the children, their behavior were completely different. And here internal causes— are practically the same. After all, the roots of jealousy lie very deep.

Wish in any way attract attention says to himself that child serious internal problems. Perhaps he is experiencing a lack of communication and is not confident in himself: “What if dad and mom get carried away by the guests (or the dog) so much that they forget about me? I need to be reminded that I exist!” If, despite your requests and even punishments, the child commits the same misconduct again and again (for example, screams, preventing adults from talking on the phone, stubbornly draws on wallpaper), this may indicate just such a model of behavior. With a "demonstrative" child, you need to talk a lot, strengthening his self-confidence, increasing self-esteem.

Often, babies lack physical contact with their parents, especially if they are rarely kissed and hugged, embarrassed in this way to show their love. As a result, the child feels abandoned and begins to seek attention by any means. Whatever the punishment, the kid at heart will be glad that he achieved his goal - his parents finally remembered him! Both physical punishment and a long, serious heart-to-heart talk will only reinforce the conclusions child: “bad” deeds are a great reason for parents to devote time to him.

What to do in such a situation? Not to abandon all the affairs and close the doors of the house tightly, in order to eventually raise a little egoist?

First of all, it is worth setting a certain schedule in the family. It is very good if you set aside specific hours for activities with the child. Then the kid will know for sure that, for example, on Saturday afternoon he will certainly draw with his mother, on Sunday morning he goes with his parents to a cafe, and in the evening he makes crafts with his father. This will give the baby a sense of the inviolability of the world around him (“Yes, dad is busy now, but I know that he loves me. Tonight we will finish the bird feeder together”).

Remember, a demonstrative child believes that it is better to be punished than to be ignored.

Therefore, if you punish him, use the same method for this. Let the baby know that for bad behavior he will “just” be put in a corner or deprived of sweets, and the act itself will not cause much interest.

And vice versa, whenever the baby does something well, do not skimp on praise (“What a wonderful drawing you made! How you helped dad!”). Praise the baby in a loud voice, looking into his eyes and smiling.

Do not forget to praise and just for good behavior(“Masha did well, she was not at all capricious today!”).

If child you still have to scold, do it in an even and quiet voice. Over time, he will remember that the strongest emotional reaction from his parents is connected precisely with his good deeds. And in order to give vent to the desire to demonstrate oneself to others, it is best
suitable theater circle?
?. Then it will be directed in the right direction, and the guests will really have something to show!

Sunday story

And here is another case. On Monday morning, my father's car keys and mother's disappear without a trace. Notebook. While the parents carried out a desperate search throughout the apartment, six-year-old Slavik calmly played in the corner. Finally, the missing things were found in his toy house, and the notebook was torn to shreds. Angry dad left for work, after hitting his little son with slaps, and mom sat down with the baby in the nursery and began a long and serious conversation:
"Why did you do that?"

To understand the current situation, we must try to find out what preceded it? It turns out that Slavik was looking forward to Sunday, so that, as promised, he would go out of town with his parents. But the car broke down, and dad spent the whole day fixing it. Mom was chatting with her friends on the phone at that time. Slavik decided that since no one pays attention to him, he himself will restore harmony and justice in the family. Then dad can’t go to the garage, and mom can’t call, and both will have time to play with him.

Before us is an example of destructive, that is, destructive, jealousy. Most often, it occurs if parents adhere to the harsh principles of education and use physical punishment. Destructive feeling is aimed at destroying the very cause of jealousy. At the same time, the child can be very aggressive - for example, spoil the thing that caused him envy, beat another kid who was praised in his presence. Often such children also show auto-aggression: in case of dissatisfaction with any situation, they begin to beat themselves, scratch, bite their lips.

Sometimes they completely confuse adults, turning to them with requests like: “Mom, hit me, I'm bad!” If auto-aggression manifests itself unconsciously, the baby suddenly falls ill, and the disease will have a psychological background. take offense at child with destructive behavior is useless. He is just trying to correct the situation with his own methods and give vent to feelings, the names of which he does not yet know and cannot express. But they torture him. What to do?

Let u child there will be an opportunity to express emotions. Select, for example, a special “whipping pillow” that the baby can hit whenever he wants.

Tell your baby a story about “a boy I know” who suffered in a similar situation, and then realized that he was worried in vain. Check out our stories too. At the same time, the emphasis should be placed on that side of the situation that is beneficial for the child: “...then the boy realized that having a dog at home is great. After all, she can protect him like a true friend, it's so fun to play ball with her. All the kids I know have toy dogs, but Dima has a real one, and she loves him.”

Give your child paints and paper and invite them to draw a story that torments them. Throwing out their emotions in the drawings, the baby will feel relieved.

Love without borders

Jealousy is almost inevitable sign of emotional distress, but its cause is not outside, but inside a person. Therefore, it would be wise to decide not to be led by child and try to change his attitude to the situation. For example, the kid is unhappy that dad is leaving to fix the car. Well, take it with you to the garage and give small tasks. Is the baby angry that mom does not play with him, but cooks dinner? So it's worth attract him to cooking. Offended that parents often stroke and praise the cat?

Give him the task of pouring water into the cat's bowl, emphasizing how important this is, how much you trust him, and how grateful the cat will be to him. Don't make excuses to your child ("I'm sorry, I'm very busy right now"), don't take a humiliated position. It is better to calmly explain the situation, otherwise the baby will decide that you are really to blame. And most importantly - as often as possible and sincerely remind him of your love. Repeat that you will love him under any circumstances. This is the best prevention of jealousy.

It is important!

Some features in the behavior of the baby should become alarm signal.
child worried about everything that can distract from him attention parents.
He does not tolerate separation, albeit a short one.
Does not tolerate criticism even in a delicate form.
He does not forgive himself for mistakes and failures.
Refuses to play if he is not sure of success.

The first thing to do is to start cutting yourself off from fear and anxiety. Frightening thoughts are the cause of many misfortunes and many failures. You have been told this more than once or twice, but how much sense does it make? Fear is a habit of consciousness that has become entrenched in you due to a negative stream of thoughts, but it can be freed from it through personal effort and perseverance.

A strong desire is a powerful magnet. A person whose desire is strong and inexorable attracts to himself that which should help him get what he wants - people, things and circumstances, provided that he desires with hope, trust, self-confidence and calmness.

And it is just as true that a person who is afraid of something, as a rule, sets in motion forces that will bring to him that which he fears. Can't you see that the one who is afraid actually expects what he is afraid of? But from the point of view of the law of attraction in the world of thought, this is the same as if he wanted or desired it. This law applies in both cases - the principle is the same.

The best way to overcome the habit of fear is to mentally set yourself up for courage, just as the best way to get rid of the darkness in the room is to open the curtains and let in the light.

Fighting habitual negative thoughts, trying with titanic efforts to wipe them out of the world, is a waste of time. There is a better, more reliable, simpler and faster way, namely, to allow courage to take the place of fear in your mind and, constantly turning to it, give it the opportunity to manifest itself in objective reality.

Instead of repeating "I'm not afraid," say firmly to yourself, "I'm brave." To convince oneself "I am not afraid" is to deny the reality of the frightening object and nothing more; it will not help you get rid of the fear itself.

To overcome fear, you need to be mentally firmly set on courage. Think boldly, speak boldly, and act boldly. Throughout the day, hold in your mind the mental image of courage, let this mental attitude become habitual for you. Keep the mental image of courage straight in front of you and you will gradually grow into it.

Let the word "Courage" settle in your mind and focus on it until it takes hold. Think of yourself as a brave person - imagine how you boldly act in difficult situations. Understand that there is nothing to be afraid of and that anxiety and fear have not helped anyone and never will. Fear paralyzes efforts, but courage pushes to action.

A person who is confident, fearless and relentlessly striving for his goal, set to "I can and I will do", is a powerful magnet. He attracts to himself what he needs to succeed. It is said that he is "Lucky". What nonsense! The so-called "Luck" has nothing to do with it. It's all about the mental setting. There is no secret here. And in the same way, the mental setting "I can't" or "I'm afraid" dooms a person to failure.

To verify the veracity of the above, it is enough to look around. Have you ever seen a successful person not be in the "Can and Do" mindset? Losers should be looked for among people tuned to "I Can't", although the latter, quite likely, have much more opportunities.

The first mental attunement awakens our hidden abilities and attracts outside help to us, while the second mental attunement does not allow a person’s abilities to manifest and attracts negative circumstances to him. I, like many others, have seen the truth of this statement from my own experience, and the number of people who have this knowledge is growing every day.

Do not waste the power of your thoughts, use it to your advantage.

Stop attracting failures, misfortunes, disharmony and sadness. Let your main thought be "I can and I will." Think, tuned in to "I can and I will"; dream, attuning to "I can and will do", speak, attuning to "I can and will do"; act, tuning in to "I can and will."

Living on a "Can and Do" level; you will feel new vibrations in your life, you will see the results of their action, you will understand that you are looking at things differently than before, and you will realize that you are getting closer to yourself. You will feel better, act better and understand everything that happens to you better. By joining a team of people who are "Can and Do", you will become a better person in every sense of the word.

Fear is the parent of anxiety, hatred, greed, evil, anger, discontent and failure. A person who has got rid of fear will see that the entire family listed above has also disappeared. The only way to be free is to get rid of fear, so root it out. I consider the conquest of fear to be the most important step to be taken by one who wishes to practice the use of the power of thought. As long as you are ruled by fear, you will not be able to succeed in the world of thought.

That is why I urge you to immediately remove this obstacle from your path. You can do it - if you act sincerely. By getting rid of such a low quality as fear, you will see life in a completely different way and become happier, freer, stronger, more positive and more successful in every undertaking.

Decide today that fear, this impostor, must go! Do not compromise with him, insist on his complete surrender. At first, this task will be difficult for you. However, as you confront your fear, it will weaken and you will become stronger.

Stop feeding him, starve him to death - he cannot exist in an atmosphere of mental fearlessness. So start filling your mind with good, strong, fearless thoughts - occupy yourself with them, think fearlessly, and fear will die. Fearlessness is positive. Fear is negative. Be sure - the positive is always stronger!

While fear roams around you with its "but", "if", "I'm afraid that", "I can't", "what if" and other cowardly doubts, you cannot fully use your power of thought. Get it out of the way and your goals will become easy to achieve, every inch of your mental sail will be filled with wind. Fear is a biblical ion. Throw him overboard! (I sympathize with the whale that will swallow such a prey. Here is my advice to you: without delay, do a few things that you think you would try to do if you were not afraid. You will be surprised to see how this new mental attunement courage will remove obstacles from your path.Exercises of this kind will train you wonderfully, and you will be generously rewarded with their results.

Before you are many things that you could do if you would only cast aside the yoke of fear, if you would only refuse to succumb to its suggestions and firmly assert the power of your true higher self. The best way to conquer fear is to stop thinking about it and establish yourself in courage. According to this plan, train your mind to think in a new way, in this way you will uproot the old negative thoughts that are dragging you down and back. Make the word "Courage" your motto and act in accordance with it.

Do not be led by fear and do not be afraid of him - fortunately, he is a cowardly fellow and runs away if he meets a good rebuff. Atkinson w. y. the law of attraction and the power of thought. 2008

The desire to get attention is not always a good thing, so it's better to try to beat this annoying habit. Many people have a tendency to do all sorts of ridiculous things just to get the attention of others - as a rule, this leads to low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. It won't take much effort to break this habit, but you will need to learn to trust yourself and be able to focus on your intentions.

Steps

Who you are? Answering this question is the first and most important step. The first thing you must do is to understand who you really are - because only then will you become aware of your real and original abilities that make you a unique person. Once you understand this, you will also realize how much attention you can get from people without even having to put in a lot of effort.

Why are you trying so hard to get attention? After you have found the answer to the previous question, ask yourself this one. Why do you need attention so much? Many people pay attention to others, but they do it quietly, either because they do not want to show that he / she pays attention to him / her, or because they simply are not able to do so. Thus, most of the time a person is already receiving attention, but is not aware of it. However, do not forget that we are all just people, and whether you are paid attention or not is not able to change your life much or make it much better, but instead, it can sometimes cause problems.

How can attention negatively affect your life? Since you are the type of person who seeks attention, think about it this way: can people's attention negatively affect your life? Everything has its negative sides, and "attention" should have them too. When people pay attention to you (whether just a little or too much), they begin to notice details about you that you would not want to show. In a way, it's like they get to know you all over again (even if they already know you) and start to notice your flaws. So why do you even want people to notice what you unconsciously want to hide from them? That thought alone should stop you. Also, think about how many people self-harm with their own hands just to get someone else's attention...is it worth it?

Why do you think that people do not pay enough attention to you or do not pay attention to you at all? Usually, when someone is dying to want something, they can't see that they already have it, or at least have some of it. In addition, when people are very hungry for something, other people easily notice and deliberately prevent getting what they want, thinking that in this way the attitude of the "thirsty person" will change - so you can simply demonstrate to others that you do not care and you don't need "their attention".

Say NO to seeking attention. If you are struggling to break this habit, then you should know that you can win if you want to. Think about cause and effect and demonstrate to yourself and everyone else that you can control what you want. Once you deeply believe in something, or are well aware of what you want, then you will immediately succeed.

• Be natural and speak out only when it is really necessary. In this way, you will see how much attention is being paid to you without you having to do anything absurd.
• For (about) an hour, don't make any effort to get attention, and after that hour is over, evaluate how you feel.
• Remember that attention is not very helpful anyway.
• Look at the number of people who act weird just to get someone's attention.
• Think about those who tried or are trying to get your attention, and how pathetic it looked.

Warnings

• Don't associate with people who make you feel left out.
• Don't even try to talk to those who ignore you.
• Don't waste time thinking about how to get attention - just keep yourself busy.
• Don't look around to see if anyone is paying attention to you.
• Don't let thoughts of how to get attention get the better of you.

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I will tell you a few secrets, applying which, you can stay in the heart of a person for a long time.

They are simple, and you may even guess about it, but ...

For some reason, not everyone manages to use them constantly and for their intended purpose.

Why? I will talk about this in detail.

Secret 1:

We rejoice in life.

A person who openly enjoys life becomes very attractive to others. People reach out to them, and flock like moths to a bright light. The only question is how to become such a person?

The fact is that we all interact with each other in order to exchange energy, no matter how trite it may sound. But it is so…

That's why, desire to communicate with you, other people directly depends from the amount of this energy you have. And, more specifically, in the sexual center.

Why exactly here?

Because it is the second chakra that is responsible for a person receiving pleasure from life, from everything that is in contact with him. Whether it is another person, an animal, a flower, a tree, and even an inanimate object…

If energy in this center few, you will not be able to enjoy life to the fullest and ... Naturally, you can't this joy pass on to others, there is simply nothing to convey - they themselves have little, enough only to maintain their own body.

But, if you fill your sexual center with enough energy, people will immediately feel it. There will be no indifferent - that's for sure. The invisible light that you will begin to radiate into the world around you will attract new fans and friends to you.

Secret 2:

Appreciate yourself dearly.

People will value you only as much as you value yourself. And not a penny more.

It is very difficult to adequately evaluate yourself if you have problems with sexuality. More precisely, with the amount of sexual energy.

People begin to have difficulty communicating. This makes them shrink, put on masks and act stiff. Girls are heavily painted, men pump their bodies, a lot of money is spent on clothes and image ... But, the result is often zero. And our self-esteem starts to drop wildly.

And because as a result of these actions, we we want to become what we are not inherently. We want to get sexy. But we do it in some artificial way. And it is foolish to think that the people around us will not feel it.

After all sexuality- it's such a thing she either is or she is not.

Fortunately, this is fixable. Just go the other way - get filled with sexual energy from the inside, not from the outside. And then you will not need to spend a lot of money on clothes and put on tons of cosmetics. And self-esteem and self-confidence will definitely increase.

Secret 3:

Recognize the importance of a person and he will recognize yours.

Accept a person with all his shortcomings and virtues. I assure you that if you look closely, there will be much more of the latter than you might have noticed before.

Acceptance of another person, compliments and praise not only do not detract from your own merits, but also make you quite attractive in the eyes of others. Just say it all sincerely .

This will be easy to do. If you have enough sexual energy.

Remember sexy people Not only love give compliments and praise others. It seems that when they do this, they themselves enjoy what they say.

Learn also, and you will not end up with those who want to talk. Work with sexuality, accumulate energy in the second center. It will bring you an unprecedented experience of life.

The funny thing is, when the amount of sexual energy starts to increase in you, you will suddenly like those people who you absolutely didn’t like before and even caused irritation. And all because you will see them, and the situations associated with them, from a completely different angle. Then the compliments will fly by themselves.

Secret 4:

We are genuinely interested in people.

It's even easier here. A person with a well-developed sexual chakra does not need to make any effort. He and so likes to chat and does it with pleasure. He is interested in people, the way they act, think and speak...

Communication takes a fairly large amount of energy, so people who have little of it are given a lot of work.

Conclusion: pumping the sexual chakra.

Secret 5:

Smile always.

A smile attracts and disposes. In sexual persons, she simply does not leave her face. They don’t even need to make an effort - they just live like that.

Let's get sexier. We smile at everything we see around us: the world, people, nature, animals… If it’s hard for you to feel it yet, don’t be sad. Try to play it, based on examples of how sexy people do it.

And keep increasing your energy.

How to do it? I will cover it in future articles.

Konstantin Dovlatov.